The path forward has disappeared
or so it seems. It is raining that hard.
And the trail that brought me here
is not the way back. Reason cannot
explain it. Intellect cannot understand it.
But Hurricane Delta will come and go.
Faith can see what the eyes cannot.
Faith keeps the fires of hope burning
when the cold hard truth is that
nothing will ever be the same again.
COVID came and is still here. And the
hurricanes have come one right after
the other. Both can destroy life.
We cannot see the end of COVID. Science
takes its best guess. A hurricane gust just
hit the house. Its end too is a best guess.
The eyes of hope still point to the
resurrection ahead. The meeting of the
dead and those living at Christ’s coming
in the clouds is well documented. When?
“Time unknown, but soon it will come,”
say the eyes of faith.
Don’t you see? The next COVID or the one
after that will not be for me. But the rain
will fall and the hurricane winds will blow.
But faith can see what the eyes cannot.
I sat out back while I burned
a pile of wood debris that has
been wet since February.
This week of sun was my only
chance before the next big
tropical storm rolls in on Friday.
I sat there with an Oliva Master
3 Blend, 5 x 54, in my hand. It
is the third of four in a gift set
from Father’s Day last year.
Obviously, when I stopped
smoking cigars and pipes in
1976, I did not know I was going
to get this gift. Since I was alone
in the back, I thought it was a
good time to talk to God about
the questions on my heart. He
didn’t seem to mind the cigar.
He is a good listener as I did
most of the talking. Well, all of
the talking actually.
I got up a few times to check the
fire and killed two ant hills along
the edge of the patio.
God was still listening. I know
what you want to ask. Did I get
any answers. Not today. Soon.
In God’s time, I will. I asked big
questions; so I expect big answers.
If you ask, you will get an answer.
Not to worry. Long after the last
cigar is gone, God will hear me
and give me answers.
all things are forgotten
except for the memories
for they are our own
they made us who we are
maybe not who we thought
we wanted to be
and what of the other memories
they cast light on the shadows
in life with hope for the life
just like the knowledge of God
cannot be listed as a memory
due while we sleep O God
make it a light breeze
our cross on the wall
is simply a reminder
of God’s faithfulness
I can’t be having the thoughts I’m having.
The thoughts of past abuse never go
completely away. I understand that.
Those thoughts spawn other thoughts.
And before I know it, I’m back in a place
I don’t want to be.
Pain and pleasure converge once again
and I’m in touch with the confusion of
the eight-year-old that was me.
It is Satan’s fuel fanning the fires of past
abuse freezing my thoughts for today.
Fiery arrows aimed at the heart to destroy
whatever is true. The breath of an angel is
all it takes to quench this Hell fire and
bring me back into God’s grace and truth.
Light and darkness can never occupy the
same space. All it takes is a candle of faith
to dispel the darkness.